Friday, August 02, 2002

The Ewok Syndrome

Remember Ewoks? You know, from Star Wars - the cute little creatures that laugh and sing and party and are really primitive - but then later you discover that they're really pretty good warriors? Ok. I have Ewok Syndrome. Because I'm female and short and cute people assume that I'm ... well, less than I am.

Example: Tonight I was at 31 Flavors with my son. We happened to sit next to a single dad and his son and we were talking and just enjoying ice cream. The dad told me that he had spent time in Alaska. I told him that I knew people who had spent time up there and that it's like the best kept secret in America.

Trying to sell me on the idea, he said, "Yeah, there's plenty of work up there for you. There's lots of Wal-Marts and K-marts and places like that." Ok. There's NOTHING wrong with working at Wal-Mart or K-mart, if that's what you enjoy, but I've spent many years working my way into a high-tech management position.

I replied, "Well, I'm in the aviation industry, and as far as I know, except for the military, there's not much of that up there."

It makes me wonder - is it just because I'm female that people assume that I'm incapable of having a high-tech job? Is the fact that I'm wearing a tie-dye sundress that shows my tattoos give people the impression that I'm a knuckle-dragging Neanderthol? Can you say, "Time for an image overhaul?" Something!

I always have the weirdest experiences with strangers. ... Like the time I was wearing my [very small and expensive] pentagram in a grocery store in Lansing, Michigan. This woman looked at me, grabbed her child and held him close, pointed at me, and started screaming, "Witch! Witch!"

Is it a wonder I want to live in a remote cabin in the woods?

Thursday, August 01, 2002

A New Way to Gauge a Mate

I think I finally figured out a way to tell whether someone is going to make a good mate for me. I do it by asking myself a question and apply it to the men in my life. The question is, "Would I be embarrassed or uncomfortable taking this person to a company party?" If the answer is yes, then the person is obviously not mate material. If the answer is no, then the guy is potential mate material. Yeah. This works.
Dreams of Risk

I'm trying to figure out why I keep having dreams where I'm taking huge risks. Maybe blogging them out will help.

Earlier tonight (hello, insomnia) I dreamed of crossing railroad tracks in my car as the gates were coming down. In one instance I actually drove around the gates to get where I was going. (Then my car morphed into a bike with a flat front tire. I was riding it anyway, and rode to a hardware store to buy some Fix a Flat. The hardware store turned out to be nothing but a glorified pet store and they didn't have anything to fix my tire. The guy just pumped up my front tire for me and sent me on my way.)

A couple of nights ago I dreamed of driving on the freeway in the middle of the night while intoxicated and noticing police nearby and wondering if I was going to get pulled over.

In neither instance did I have any regard for my own safety, the safety of others, my career, or my life-style. This is so blessedly out of character that I really don't know what to make of these dreams.

I've also had a couple of dreams about receving hostilities from men. They were either making rude sexual comments or were trying to rape me. I have no idea what my subconscious is trying to tell me here. I'm on good terms with all of the men in my life - and there are a blessed lot of them.

Okay, now that I've blogged a bit I think I have discovered the cause of these dreams - all of them. I'm not sure how they're connected, but it 'feels' correct. I've been reading a really cool book called, "In a Different Voice." Is has a lot to do with self-talk and I've been learning a lot about myself from it. I've learned that, in order to survive, I've taught myself how to think like a man and logic like a man and for a long time I silenced the feminine voice inside me. Now I'm learning how to listen to both voices (minds) and achieve balance.

For example, I'm just now starting to acknowledge that - like so many other women - my feelings get hurt when an immediate coworker leaves the office and doesn't say goodbye to me. In the past, this feeling never would have made it to my mind. It wouldn't have been acknowledged. It would have been ignored by the masculine mind. Now, my heart can go "ouch!" and my mind will acknowledge it and say, "Sandy, if that person had a problem with you or if he were mad at you, he would tell you. He probably didn't say goodbye because he knows you're busy and didn't want to bother you." And then the hurt feeling is resolved and goes away ... instead of hanging around for weeks because it was ignored.

I mean, guys have this wonderful way of confronting you when something's wrong. They're pretty much face-value kind of beings, and I cherish them for that.

I'm figuring it out. Slowly but surely. I wonder if I'll be able to sleep, now.

Tuesday, July 30, 2002

In this day and age, it is impossible to imagine that a document can be on back order - no matter how 'government-controlled' it is. This is insane. Electronic conveyence of said item can be conducted instantaneously, and then it's up to the vendor to print the damn thing out. I mean, my god! I've been waiting on this damn TO since April. One of my guys needs it to do his frikkin JOB! I hate it when people fok with my schedule! We need this damn thing to get the deliverable out on time! Luckily we have things to do in the meanwhile ... but a DOCUMENT - a damn collection of electronic pages - to be on back order for almost four months? It's stupidity. It's frustrating. It's ridiculous.