Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Passive-Aggressive Karate Chop!

Ouch! I got hit by a classic PA today. This woman is always doing stuff to piss me off and she always tries to come off like the victim.

Yesterday she stopped me in the hallway and asked me to reschedule a meeting we were supposed to have that day. She told me to schedule it for the next day for the normal time in the same place. So, I sent a high priority email to everyone on the team, including her. In it, I told everyone that the meeting was rescheduled and when.

Today she's walking through the hallway about meeting time and a team member asks her if she's going to the meeting today. She told him that she didn't know we were having a meeting today. I saw her in the hallway a few minutes later with her lunch in her hand and she told me that she didn't know we had a meeting today. I said, "You asked me to reschedule it for today." She said, "No, I said my customer would be gone today about this time." So, she drags herself into the meeting, lunch in hand, and we end up getting kicked out in half an hour anyway because nobody reserved the room. I thought because she told me when to reschedule that she already had the room reserved.

So, basically, she tried to make me look like an ass - by having me call a meeting that we got kicked out of and by making it look like she had to sacrifice her lunch because of it.

I was pretty pissed, but I didn't blow up at her or anything because I realized that she was trying to do the same thing to me that my ex-husband used to do - the Passive-Aggressive Karate Chop!

So, I got online and found some advice on dealing with PAs. I just sent her an email saying that I am not comfortable receiving verbal direction from her and that from today forward I will require that she assign tasks me via email. (Yes, I used an "I" statement instead of a "You" statement! Do I get kudos for that?)

This is about the third time she's screwed me like this. I should have learned from the last two times, but it's been a while since we worked together and I forgot ... I need to listen more to that little bit of uneasiness I feel whenever I have to deal with her. Ah, well, lesson learned.

For information about dealing with Passive-Aggresives, check out these Web sites:
http://www.sensiblesoftware.com/articles/a/The-Passive-Aggressive-Co-Worker.html


http://www.prponline.net/Work/HS/Articles/getting_assertive_with_passive_aggressive_behaviors.htm